Tuesday, March 17, 2009

Alright guys my Fan-fic is based on the anime Bleach. I have left some things in Japanese because it sounds better but I will list the words and their meanings here

Shinigami: Death God Zanpakutou:The sword the Death god’s use each one is unique and has its own special power when released. There are two stages of release Shikai which is the basic one almost anyone can do and Bankai which is the highest power a shinigami can obtain.

The words Kuchi wo shimare mean Silence them. Jinteki Shakusetsu, Suzumebachi (Go straight for the enemy).

Also "Yahatsugiri" is the name of a fast sword cutting technique which translates to "Eight notch strike" i think :)

Ok now a little intro into Bleach incase you are unfamiliar with it.

The shinigami are spirts who vanquish evil spirits (Hollows) that feed on the souls of those who have yet to pass into the spirit world (Seiretei). Menos level hollows are extremely powerful but rare breeds of hollows. In Seiretei there are 13 squads each with a Captain and Vice-Captain and the 1st squad captain, Yamaji, is in control of the 13 squads know as the Gotei Jyusanban (13 protection squads).

The silent killer

50 years after the Arrancar incident, all was back to normal in Seiretei. But of course it never stays that way because that would just be boring. But little did the Shinigami know that with the entry of MIstsuomi Ryuujin into the 2nd squad was the start of something that had only ever happened once before in the history of Seiretei.

MItsuomi Ryuujin, age 25 when he entered Seiretei, graduated from the Shinigami academy with just above average grades and took his sweet time doing it too. The only special thing about him was that unlike the normal shinigami uniform he wore a black jacket, black pants and what one would describe as black leather boots. He was however a very mysterious person, never talked to anyone unless it was an order …. In fact didn't really do anything unless he was ordered too. He became respected among all the squad Captains for his un-questionable loyalty which lead to him becoming the Vice-Captain of the 2nd squad, despite his un-sociable nature. But perhaps this is what Soi Fon prefers. From here our story begins.

“All Captains are to report to the 1st squad barracks immediately” announced Yamaji.

“Mitsuomi!” shouted Soi Fon.

“Understood” answered Mitsuomi as if already knowing what his Captain wanted of him.

As all the Captains arrived at the barracks Yamaji began to speak. “As you are all aware of the amount of hollow sightings, especially those of the menos level, have been increasing dramatically over the last few months. If we allow this to continue any longer then Seiretei itself will be in danger. Therefore I am giving each squad an area of Seiretei to investigate”. Said Yamiji briefing the Captains. Each squad was given their area and dismissed.

Back at the second squad barracks. “Mitsuomi, I need you to take 10 of our strongest men and investigate the cave of infinite silence … Im sure your familiar with it” said Soi Fon.

“Yes Captain, we are taught about it in the academy there is no need for further explanation.” Replied Mitsuomi in his usual obedient way.

“Very well, leave at once!” Said Soi Fon.

MItsuomi gathered up 10 of his strangest members in his squad and briefed them on their assignment.

“You mean …. “THAT” cave of infinite silence? THAT'S SUICIDE!” shouted one clearly scared squad member.

“Yes, “THAT” cave. As im sure you all know that inside that cave any kind of noise will be immediately… silenced so to speak, so we will communicate using kidou. Understood?” said Mitsuomi fully dedicated to his order.

“But how do we all move silently through there?” asked another squad member.

“We will use the power of my Zanpakutou “Jyouga” (Silent Fang) which is why our squad was given this assignment. Now lets move out!” ordered Mitsuomi.

At the entrance of the cave they all gathered in a circle around Mitsuomi and waited as he started to draw his Zanpakudou calling its name “Kuchi wo shimare! JYOUGA!” As he drew his Zanpakutou it began to change into a long black double edged blade with the word 静牙engraved down the middle. At the end of the hilt was a rather lethal looking spike. However it did not have a cross bar at the top so it seemed as though something was missing. “Everyone stay close, my ability to eliminate the noise of movement is originally only meant for me but if it is only a short distance it will work for us all, and remember communicate using kidou… words could be lethal.” Said Mitsuomi.

They began to travel into the cave finding what seemed to be the empty masks or Menos level hollows, the quantity of which was increasing as they travelled deeper. All light had faded as they moved into the deep caverns inside with thousands of Menos masks scattered about. Off in the distance Mitsuomi saw what seemed to be a glowing blue jewel and signalled his comrades to follow him. As they got closer Mitsuomi realized that it was not a jewel… but the hilt for a sword with the word “Jyouga” engraved upon it. Mitsuomi heard what seemed to be the object they had found calling out to him “Take me, make me complete.”

As if hypnotised he reached out a took it sliding down his blade till it locked into position. Immediately after his sword burst into blue flames of reiatsu forcing back his comrades out of his circle of silence, the sound of their foot steps echoed through the cave. The so called empty Menos masks all started to reform bodies and one by one tore apart and devoured Mitsuomi’s squad. Mitsuomi stood and stared at his blade with eyes wide open and had a sinister smile on his face. He then took his attention towards the Menos and swung his blade, releasing a huge wave of reiatsu which cleft the Menos directly in front of him clean in two. “Now I am complete… now we are strong…” said the voice again. Mitsuomi continued to swing his new complete zanpakutou taking down the hordes of Menos with ease.

Having found this new strength Mitsuomi left the cave with the same sinister smile on his face laughing to himself quietly as the voice in his head whispered “Now we are strong.” He returned back to the 2nd squad barracks and confronted his Captain informing her of what had happened to the men he took with him leaving out the part about his sword being complete. “And one other thing Captain.” Said Mistuomi. As the sinister smile retured Soi Fon stepped back in shock as he said “I challenge you from your rank as Captain.”

“You fool! Someone of your level can’t match up to that of a Captain!” pronounced Soi Fon.

“We shall see, “Kuchi wo shimare, JYOUGA!” his sword began to transform revealing the new found hilt, and began to burst into flames. “Now we are strong” Said the voice. “Yes… now we are strong!” said Mitsuomi letting his reiatsu loose. Soi Fon could feel the mass amount of spirit pressure. She too proceeded to release her zanpakutou fully understanding that something drastic had changed in her Vice-Captain. “Jinteki Shakusetsu, Suzumebachi.”

Mitsuomi swung his sword releasing the huge wave of reiatsu.

“WHAT?!” Soi Fon shouted clearly startled about the mass power that her subordinate had obtained. Using her shinpou she managed to avoid it however Mitsuomi silently got behind her and began to swing again. Remembering what Jyouga’s power was Soi Fon was already aware that he could easily get behind her un heard and was quick to react with a counter blow which struck Mitsuomi in his right shoulder.

“Hmph even with this new monstrous power you lack the skill to defeat me” claimed Soi Fon.

“Bankai, Jyouga shizukana sekai.” Said Mitsuomi.

All the color drained from Soi Fons face as she realized that she had totally under estimated her Vice-Captain and had now found herself deaf and unable to speak making it impossible for her to release her Bankai. Although Mitsuomi’s zanpakutou had not changed there was an even greater increase in his reiatsu far surpassing that of his Captain’s. He flew straight past her right as three other squad Captains burst into the room. Soi Fon turned around and saw Mitsuomi begin to sheath his zanpakutou and began to move towards him. Top half of her body began to slide off as she fell to the ground. “YAHATSUGIRI!” shouted Mitsuomi as the finished sheathing his sword.

Because Mitsuomi did not defeat Soi Fon infront of a public audience and four Captains, he was labeled a murderer and all Captains were ordered to eliminate him.

To Be Continuted.

8 comments:

  1. I like the first paragraph, it opens the story up nicely and sets the scene.
    As the story goes on the description and background of the characters is really interesting, and this is beneficial for those of us who have never seen this anime.

    Lines that you have used, like this- ‘ Back at the second squad barracks. “Mitsuomi, I need you to take 10 of our strongest men…’ are again very useful, the reader has probably built up a picture of the setting, and this only helps to give us a better idea of what area this part of the story is taking place in.


    A few things to edit:

    1.‘..Shinigami academy with just above average grades and too his sweet time doing it too
    2.‘…he reached out a took it sliding down…’
    And 3. This last sentence doesn’t make sense to me. I don’t know if you need a comma in here somewhere, but it just sounds a bit strange. “Because Mitsuomi did not defeat Soi Fon infront of a public audience and four Captains and was labeled a murderer and all Captains were ordered to eliminate him.”

    Otherwise it is really good. I am finding that as I am reading through all of these fan fiction stories, they are giving me ideas to build on my own fan fiction. I find it quite hard to write action/fight scenes, (which is something I wanted to include in my fan fiction, but haven't so far) but I really like your style of writing, it doesn’t seem forced at all.

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  2. Just had a thought, it would be cool if you could upload a drawing or something of a character in the anime. Just for those who haven't seen it before.

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  3. Drawings are in progress still :D
    But yes i do agree that I need to upload images and it seems im going to have to to get a full effect of awesomeness from my Character Mitsuomi.
    Thanks for the feedback would have never seen that grammar mistake otherwise >_<

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  4. Action scenes were really well written dude. Was a bit hard for me to understand, as I don't really watch anime much, but still got the jist of most of it. Come to think of it, it does kinda sound like a typical anime episode. Good job!

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  5. Loving the feed back guys.
    Wasn't too sure if my action scenes were "up to the standards" but it seems like I did ok.
    Maybe i should try making it into an episode :P

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  6. Hey
    I really liked this story, Its really imaginative and well described and I like the character mitsuomi he seems really sinister and interesting. Although I found it fun to read I found it difficult at times maybe because of all the Japanese terms, which I do agree sounds cool so I proberly wouldn't prompt you to change them to English or maybe because of some grammar mistakes that Lauren pointed out. In my opinion this is great fan fiction and I would be keen to read more like this in the future :)

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  7. Yea I know what its like trying to read japanese words when you arent a speaker of the language.... but its just too cool to change.
    And yes as my japanese grammar gets better my enligh gets worse lol so ill just fix up ltlle mistakes as people point them out.

    Thanks for the comment!

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  8. Great description of characters as Lauren said. Especially since I have watched or read any anime so this fan fic is a good start and great understanding of anime. The action scenes were well written. Changing the Japanese terms into English might take away the affect of the story you were going for. Don’t know just an idea. Definitely pictures would help to understand the characters more and the setting but as you said they are still coming.

    Keep up the good work.

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